i'm just too touched. it's truely a princess. rather too moved to say anything. holding up to the promise. haiz. i also dont know how to put it in words too. all i can say it's not time yet. last night talked to GOR. told him how i feel. last night unknowingly took my life for granted. just feel that i'm asking too much for the people around me or rather people around me is giving me too much. [[a life of princess]] too much confusion & i'm lost coz it's too complicated. GOR ya just the direction for my life. remember you can leave w/o MEI but MEI cant leave w/o you. at last i manage to obtained my visa to philippines. it took me great pain to get it done. tomorrow shall be ready for collection. i ordered straws from the market today too. tomorrow i shall go collect it too. looks like i'm running lots of errand tomorrow. tomorrow i shall bring my bao bei to school to sleep with me. today went to doctor. doctor advise me to go for operation! i'm flying next week. today checked paper but i'm absent from school. here am i today hearing from the doctor saying that going for operation migh be better coz medication cant do much. alone in the cold clinic with me & her. my heart just increased it's pump when i heard the word OPERATION. behaving as tough nothing had happened, as tough there's no fears & worries in me, as tough it doesnt hurt, as tough i'm unbothered; it's all CRAPS! i'm just feeling the opposite of how am i behaving. i also cant make up my mind whether to go for it anot. rather i'm sick of doctors & medications. seriously i am. i just cant be bothered by it anymore. today as SAN JIE, smsing me to tell me the results, i dont feel the joy but i just accept it. no joyful or sorrowful moments. it felt nothing & bland...